Tilly or Dionne or Nat.

Started a Live Journal

2006-01-27T19:45:00.000-08:00

Started a live journal at http://natillydionne.livejournal.com/
not sure which one i'll keep though

Ok becasue Jess and Sarah say so

2006-01-15T21:25:00.000-08:00

Ok ....because Sarah and Jess say so I'm updating my blog.....plus I'm glad they have gotten after me...I've been meaning forever to update it ....since the New Year even.....so here I am 2006....doesn't even feel like it...

.....but this year started with me leaving my two jobs...Safeway and the print shop and me starting school.....Grant MacEwan......so the first day was "A" ok but then the 2nd i lost my locker like literally forgot how to get to it.....then i missed a Psychology class....wrote my schedual wrong.......but other than that not a bad start.... i met some people on Fiday and kinda got out of my comfort zone.....and tomorow Monday i think I'm good to go.....i've read ahead....sort of to keep up with what the teachers blab about....but we will see how school goes overall.....I'm worried about the 5 courses being too much but oh well que sera

.........so 2005...over though still can't grasp that....it was an awsome year though...i've cahnged the most in that one.....had 3 jobs overall too...well 5 if i count the Katimavik ones......

......so the things I'm looking forward to......going to S'toon as Jeff and Sarah call it.....meeting people at school....there's an activist group at my school I'm gonna join.........mmm plus going to the gym and swimming at school...there's an awsome gym and pool.....very nice.....the only thing that sucks is that I'm not with one of my Katima buds back in Stratford's YMCA

......I know it's sad hey.....mmm...so another thing on my brain alot....the election....I'm so into it this year....but hey can you believe that 38% of people ages 18-30 don't vote.....yeah i read it from the NDP website...i watched the debat in English and in french and I was surprised what a difference the was.....the politicians were way more civil in french where as not so much in english.....Harper can't speak french nicely what so ever....which i was wondering if it was fair for me to expect a bilingual Prime minister...and i think that's a fair expectation....actally Canada has so many cultures in it....maybe she or he should be multi-lingual....anyway all in all i think my final choise is NDP...i've never thought of it before but they've never been in power....why not give them a shot and they seem to be very pro-active...instead of saying we will make gun laws more strict lie Conservatives they say let's start with the root of the problem....gangs...inequalities with races....gender....all in all to me they appear to look at the root....on that note Green party seems to aswell but i want my vote to go towards someone who can win hope that's fair to say to and someone who will have enough seats to poke at the Prime minister........so yeah that's my political rant......

all in all i'm good...reading lots...like lots.....between sociology...linguitics and psych...etc....it seems like lots anyhoo.......can't wait for the maritimes.....September and the rest of my life which is now though really...lol....it has already begun.....take care everyone...love Nat

Skating instead of Work

2005-12-20T19:56:00.000-08:00

So Sunday I was suppose to work at Safeway.....ha ha....instead i called in and the one person i don't want to pick up cuz i knew i wouldn't be able to lie to her....well she picked up.....so i called at like 10:30......i call and say that i had a staff party at my other work the night before.....at that party i had sushi...which is truthful....the lie i said was i had raw sushi and there must have been something wrong with it......when i say that she tells me two other people called in sick just before me and one girl didn't even show up.......so then i have to continue lying so i said i'd call back if I "felt" better......pretty much i called back later and said i still wasn't feeling good....

So I went skating....i bought some skates not too long ago and since i have a outside skating rink near my house figured i'd try to make the best of of my winters instead of grumbling about them......so ha ha....the skates hurt like a !@#$%..... maybe there the wrong size...i don't know....but either way it was still awsome....i can still skate backwards like Joelle taught me in Vancouver......for the rest of that night i had Christmas.....i very early one but it's cuz almost everyone except my oldest sis is going to BC or Winnipeg....(and i can't cuz i'm working...grr).....and first i had a hissy fit cuz i thought i was gonna be all alone for X-mas but my and Janelle( oldest sis) made some plans that i think might turn out to be a lot of fun......so be back on her on X-mas day.....where I'll blab about how X-mas feels this year.....takae care everyone

Surprise...a bunch is new

2005-12-15T20:54:00.000-08:00

Well these last couple of days....I think I might have drastically changed my plans........just recently I realized I don't enjoy Safeway anymore....I love talking with people...serving them....but doing that everyday....even just weekends which I switched to......not for me I noticed......

actually what happened was I got into a kinda big fight with my mom.....I don't remember much from it....not much is accomplished from fighting anyway....but in the end I remember she said something along the line of...."i wish u never did Katimavik because u'v changed sooo much"....my first reaction....was grrrrrr....lol....if that's a reaction....but well i was surprised but in some ways not so much.....

I have changed and I've been realizing it just lately cuz I've been just starting to let it show now......when i first got home i somehow subconciously went back to being "myself"....holding things in.....kinda doing what i thought was expected of me...like going back to cadets...school....getting a job......trying to prove i was responsible and independant.....well just last night...well the same night i faught with my mom i then called Sarah....walking her up...oops......and realized what I really want to do....the stuff that scares me.....

For May, I'm hope to head to Sask....work at Sarah's famous greenhouse job.....I'm applying to go to camp but only for Quebec.....to see just if i make it....I'm curious....also so I'm in the area for the Katimavik reunion....WWOOFing ....i don't know how yet but i'm fitting it in there somehow.....Sept.....I'm putting in an application for West Jet....flight attendant.....I won't just dismiss school....there's so many options out there...omline is an option...

anyway my point is....i'v realized i want to be out travelling again as soon as i can again....I havn't been home for long and i already want to go again so that has to be a sign....right?!?!?

Plus.....I can't wait to give my two weeks notice to Safeway.....right now I'm at a Print Shop with Janelle...actually my sis....not as weird as i thought and i can work part time there during school i found out.....yipee....Safway is definitely out....my sis and Sarah made me make a pros and cons list .....there was way more cons for Safeway.....well not too sure where i'm going with this....off to bed......take care if u read this

I got it!

2005-11-20T16:16:00.000-08:00

Well i think i got it...as in i think i got into the grove of being home and doing what i've been doing.....Just now, I just got back from Walmart...Sarah's probly ashamed...sorry dude....but there I bought a fish....called him Pierre Jaques.....like frere Jacques the song......ha ha....I figured with a fish if i can look after him and remember to feed him then i can get ready for school and the responsibilties that are soon to come.....I also bought some ice skates....a long time ago in ummm grade 7, i think, i decidedfor sum reason that i hated skating....but now ever since last december i've been wanting to skate.....just to release energy and all that stuff....it was last December...i went skating with Joelle and my PL in Vancouver....Joelle taught me how to skate backwards which i know is easy for a lot of people probly but i've just never been able to do it until then.....so I've decided to just go skating whenever i need to blow of steam.....(there's an outside free rink by my house) ....so ya i might as well take advantage of the opportunity.....

.....for school....i've registered for my classes and so that's pretty much final unless i change my mind between now and January....I registered for Psychology, Sociology, Philosophy, Linguistics (still unsure), and last but not least the course I'm most looking forward too, Management Studies......learning about personalities, leaders, group dynamics, motivation, and communication within groups.....so now with everything planned I'm really looking forward to just starting......once January I don't think I'll be working at Safeway anymore.....I was thinking waitressing instead at the restaurant my sis is at......I'll make way more for school this way...afterall with tips.....then i can just work every Saturday or something like that.....with cadets if i organize most things before school i should be fine....as long as i don't procrastinate then i'm not stuck doing everything at the last minute......

......in May i think i might have enough money to go to the maritimes.....but then I'm afraid they'll want me to go to camp in Vernon.....and I was thinking it would be cool to try Valcartier or the other cadet camp in Quebec.....might as well try something new.......if I end up going to Vernon my only concern is i won't be able to go to my Katimavik reunion.....and it's probly not the best informing u guys on here but ya?!?!?!.....i don't know

Well i think everything will work out though....I'm looking forward to school and until then realxing and as someone told me a while agon stop and smell the roses.......p.s. i also got to plants and a little bonsai tree i'm starting tonight.....hopefully i can keep them and the fish alive....lol

To blab about the blah and not so blah

2005-11-16T18:59:00.000-08:00

Where to start?....well I'll start from how I'm feeling now and go backwards as if I'm rewinding my life......so just 5 mins ago I called my buddy Cheung...I needed someone to talk to I realized..but sadly he's not home...which is maybe a good thing...writing on here might be just as good..today I spent the whole day inside....man cabin fever!.....cuz I'm sick though originally and I think it was a hint to relax...Sarah came for the long weekend aka Rememberance Day weekend and we had a blast......when she left i tried to keep myself busy right away so I wouldn't get all blue to be more specific.....so i made list of stuff to do...some of it that i made up just to keep myself occupied...like making bread....watching movies....etc....

I have to add though.....my bread is sweet....i made sun dired tomatoe(spl?) bread....which i've been trying to master since Ste-Julienne...and it rocks...well not completly it finally taste like tomatoe but it still won't rise right...i cheated too...i have a bread machine.....

so ya today made bread....watched two movies Usual Suspect which just kept me busy and Before Sunrise....(chick flick) but today this movie really got me thinking....the movie is about 2 strangers who meet on a Euro-train....and the spend all night together talking about life, love, ambition the works.....it really got me thinking about....well about the same stuff....mostly what i want out of life.....(yup this is no light hearted entry tonight...lol)....when Sarah was here we had our usual conversations too....which r along the same line as that movie......and so what I'm asking myself is...what do i want?.....soccer mom?...aka get married.....and with that I automatically picture living like my folks....watching their taped The Price is Right with Bob Barker every night and not knowing what their missing out on....travel...challenge...risk.......or maybe there not missing out cuz they have each other's company...I'm getting off topic....or do i want to be the hippie?....travel ....live simple....be weird but make the most out of every day....but maybe I glorify that too much...

well all this is only a fraction of my thoughts but this way u have an idea of what's going on up in my brain....all this is also coming from me applying/registering for my course for school....so far I've got PSYC, Sociology, Liguistics, and Philosophy......as my 5th i was gonna have Management Studies...which is learning about teamwork and group dynamic to sum it up....i think anyone who knows me will know why this course interests me....but i'm on the waiting list for that one...but it's ok i'm sure 4 courses will keep me busy......

......the other stuff occupying my brain....cadets...well of course...but tonight i read Eric's comment and well it lifted my spirits....i was all moody actually and STRESSED of course.....and even though i know myself not to get stressed out about the little things....hearing it from someone else is what makes it click...u know?....so thanx for that Eric aka Dad.......

.....more thoughts....living with sum of my Katimavik people again....that's been on the brain the most actually....even though i try not to have it there.....not cuz i'm not looking forward to it though...the opposite....I'm SOOOOO looking forward to it....if someone told me tonight I'll move to Van with u asap i'd be ready to go...I'd drop everything in a heart beat......even though i shouldn't maybe... i would..Sometimes I'm only torn between staying home and leaving cuz i feel i have to.....

last but not least...well maybe last....I'm trying to figure out what I'm gonna do in May....well cuz I'll be done my 1st trimester and i'm itching to head out again...the moment i got home from Katimavik actually i thought to myself i need to plan another trip...I bought the WWOOFing book to travel somwhere in Canada to work on an organic farm but still unsure about that....and actually to be blunt I know where i want to go...and what i want to do for May and June and the rest of that summer actually but I'm afraid to do it alone and I've been looking for someone to go with ... dreaming is the easy part I'm good at that but actually taking that step.....is well different......so all in all I always wonder when will i be happpy....ok don't panic though if ur a friend reading this...nat aka Dionne aka tilly aka Natty.....(lol i have way too many nicknames) anyway nat's ok.....and she's referring herself as the 3rd person but I'm fine I mean happy as in absolutely not dwelling on past memories or future things...i mean as in happy in the moment... i feel like i compare what going on with me presently with the future or past too much....like on Katimavik i compared it to cadets or home...at home i compare it to Katimavik or to camp....u know?..... so now for real if u'v read this...here's a quick question for u....quick for me to ask it but probly not for u to reply....

Do you think it's possible for someone to get themself at a point where they just are....they don't dwell on the past or look too much into the future...they just enjoy....or is life just memries...and planning for the future....?......sooo umm ya have fun with that I know i will.....love ya and miss ya all...even those at home....time goes by way too fast i don't even spend enough time with those right beside me......p.s I'm ok just venting

Skool

2005-11-07T08:06:00.000-08:00

School......is where I'm going as of January. Right now though.....grrr.....I'm trying to login into this student portal thing in order to register for my classes for Bachelor of Arts....and well the 1st thing that happened is they put me down as Dionne-St.Vincent...which made my username hard to create in the 1st place ....but then in my info package my password and username wasn't in there so I had to call to get it ....when I did I was then given the wrong password....then for the days to follow I would call one place where they would tell me to call another....then that other would tell me to call the first place i originally called......so i bounced around here and there...and now waiting for a return call.....the 1st place and the 2nd place and maybe the 3rd i called are now calling each other to figure out what happened.......

....so with all this it's kinda making my re-think going to skool..(lol maybe i shouldn't though re-think it the way I'm spelling school)...I was so excited to get out near the end of grade 12.....I always liked going to school though...but near the end of grade 11 and 12 I just needed to get out to just explore and discover........

......with cadets.... I am now Training Officer......meaning for cadets the person with that tittle is in charge of organizing and planning everything the cadets do for the whole school year (which is also a full cadet training year) this year though it's already planned I just have to make sure it kinda all goes according to that plan and deciding whos gonna teach what

mmmm.....so I want this challenge but at the same time I am worried that when school starts it might be too much.....and if I'm gonna be incharge of something I want to do a good job but not be too stressed doing it.....i think that the guy that was in charge of it before did an awsome job....so if it goes down hill with me it might be really obvious.......well go to go to my glorious job soon......so time to head off....amn I'm I ever having a "the cup is half empty" type of day or what though......but hey it's Monday....Thurday Sarah comes to visit.....yeah!!!!!!X100000

I have someone i can vent to and she can't run away....woot

CADETS very long!!!

2005-10-27T21:14:00.000-07:00

Cadets......well everyone has heard me talk about it...then after that you guys heard me talk about it some more then a bit more....and when you thought I was all done I still said one more time..."this one time at cadet camp"...people from Katimavik know a bit of what I mean....people from school really know what I mean....and u guys that know me from cadets ur like what i talk about it all the time with my friends.....or something like that.....anyway the purpose of this entry is to talk about well.... cadets.....I've decided to do this because tonight I went to cadets (every Thursday) and handed in all my paper work to become an officer....aka I officially rejoined cadets but just in a different way......when I handed in the papers I thought to myself...wow do i really want this....so now tonight all my cadet memories are filled in my mind..

...man I remember the first night of cadets when I joined....Jurijew, Rushworth, and Linder...three of the girls that were already enrolled said i had to join cuz there wasn't enough girls....ya iremember that made me want to stay....it made me want to stay right away which is funny cuz that very night before i went i remember saying to myself there was no way i was gonna stay.....i was originally just forced to try it out by my step-dad....well maybe not forced but it was try cadets or get a job....I was 14 at the time...where was I to work...McDonald's....so yeah after that I just continued to feel welcomed....Cheung welcomed me a great deal.....i remember I first remember officially meeting him after a shooting night.....he still had a very strong oriental accent....i had the hardest time understanding him and man he talked a lot that night.....no offence Cheung.....but wow now he's like one of my best guy friends....so anyway i stayed in cdts(cadets) the rest of that year and got accepted to camp. Oh man now the first year i went to camp....well i felt like i had to puke the morning i left...i was so nervous to be going to what i thought was "boot camp" for 6 weeks my 1st year instead of the usual 2 weeks....

Now i have to blab about the whole camp experience....so ur always busy (kinda like Katimavik or university) and tired but you get to know your group really well....aka... teamwork...u spend the whole summer trying to achieve that and when ur nearing the end u do..then ur excited to go home but once home u'd (well i would) trade anything to go back....so I continued in cadets..

....2002 I did Adventure....oh man that was awsome.....i loved the physical challenge.......made more freinds....then came staff......which had two great things in it....two great firends in 03 and leadership.....that year i reallly learnt how to be a leader....but not just a leader a role model....wow i know this is sounding cheasy but oh well it's how i feel.....so anyway I staffed CL Charlie and had to make sure that about 30 people about 13-14 were ok everyday.....i loved everything about that....helping them with their confidence....helping them with crushes even, and helping them with everything that has to do with growing up....that year thought FAD also happened.......Fez Amy Dionne....the 3 of us became the best of friends...Fez so funny and outgoing....one of the most unique guys i know.....he would purposly(spl?) walk infront of u then"drop something" and HAD TO PICK IT UP so u'd run right into his butt....Amy well she's like my best freind to this day.....that year she just befriended me though as if she knew me since i was 5. She write the best letters.....

So then....cadets came to an end fast....time goes by fast when ur having fun....before i left my corps we had new officers that came in and majorly inproved things...one of which is moving to Calgary sadly....but they really made my last year worth it....i got Warrant...Master cadet....Distinguished marksman..NSCE...Lord Strathcona..but thanx to them.....(now I know why i went back as an officer...I want to do the same for others) So just before I left i had one last summer to go to camp... I went to Vernon again always Vernon which i love...tis my 2nd home i u'v read my profile....but ya went to vernon for the very 1st pioneer course....14 cadets in total.....14 which gave me a biggerst challenge so far cdt wise....older teens that didn't look up to me quite the same....oh excpet one....well from what I know Leah Carrier....she's great.....she says she looks up to me...but i look up to her for looking up at me...lol.....if that makes sense....

So that last year overall awsome....Fez wasn't there sadly but Neudy was....and we became the best of friends more than already.....I remember crying my head off saying bye to her like I'd never see her again which is just funny cuz this year i saw her twice...after Katimavik and after camp.....I'll have to write all our mems on here sometimes too......but i think i might be running out of room......to conclude I would have had until Feb 21,05 still to stay in cadets.....but i got katimavik which....is a whole other story and I've already blabbed about....irionic eh?........

So now as I'm about to become Officer Cadet Dionne-St.Vincent (yeah St.Vincent too) hopeflly people will just call me Dionne anyway I'm glad I've made the decision......

Plus looking at who I've still kept in touch with all these years ....the freinds i know who i can blab to about it.....Rushworth...Kenyon.....Cheung.....also the 3 that also kept in touch with me when i left....Neudy....Fez...Linder....and so on....thanx guys for everything

I'm addicted

2005-10-27T15:37:00.000-07:00

Ok so well I think i'm now addicted to this whole talking to myself for others to read thing....aka a blog...but dudes it's so much fun....I don't know if anybody remembers the time in Stratford when we drove past the highschool and I started randomly yelling out the widow "JOIN KATIMAVIK"....I remember a couple of u guys wanted me to shut the hell up.....well anyway it reminds me of that cuz i told some of my freinds at home already and I'm probly gonna tell everyone until i say it twice or threee times then they'll be like ok Tilly "we know"

speaking of Tilly.....it's one of me nicknames as some of u know so now I will mention all my nicknames just cuz i can....plus in the future if I tell a story you'll know who it is.

OK from my mom: Mon Amour
from step-dad: Brat
sister's boyfriend: Nads
Home freinds: Tilly & Nat
Cadets: Dionne...now CV Dionne soon to be Officer Cadet Dionne
Katimavik: Natty
Others: Nadawee, Xionneeee, Tilly Willy, Freckles, Teddy Bear

so my question....what's ur nicknames?...if ur reading this let me know dude

6 Questions

2005-10-25T23:08:00.000-07:00

So I'm saw this on Eric's, Baz's, and Jess' online journal so I've decided to steal it

Ask me 6 Questions and I will answer 100% truthfully

Warning this is a long one but worth it if u know the end to Katima....

2005-10-25T22:44:00.000-07:00

Alrighty then.....look at this...I've been writting in here more than I've ever written anywhere really....(I've never been good at journals)....anyway the reason, well I havn't been as busy as ever since I've been home. Don't know if I'm a late bloomer, but "the after Katimavik life" has just hit me a couple of days ago....which is not necessarily all bad. But ya it hit me pretty much just recently...about these past couple of weeks....and these past couple of weeks a million memories have been filling my brain and well my heart.....oh man that sounds cheasy oh well my journal thingy I'll do what I want.....Oh man the memories make me laugh out loud sometimes...I'll even look back at a fight and laugh my head off because now it's great to even remember that...don't know if that makes sense...anyway some memories off the top of my head...setting of the alram at the MDJ in Quebec.....Matt and I getting the shit scared out of us by Roger's duck or whatever it was.....Me getting drunk and finally saying what was on my mind but sadly yelling it to Jess.....Sarah buying those god awful leg warmers made by aftghan(spl?) women.....Super heroes...Jess' shoe on top of that school....(I'm close to tears here) a canadian leaf on Joelle's forehead....Andrew eating a clove of garlic and Karen getting a great big smell of it.....Jen and her mountains and her guy from Mes Aieux.....MP hating my bagpipe music....and me playing it on purpsoe almost everyday...Vince getting a giraffe up his nose by Baz....and Baz dancing....Whao time to stop.....So not to sure where I'm going with all of this.....on some level I just wanted to make sure that my group still knows that even though Katimavik is over my thoughts of them will never change.....the contructive criticism, real conversations and group living still mean something to me. So here's a little diddy for each of you on what I learnt from ya....look for your name and feel free to cry....jk....

Andrew

2005-10-25T22:33:00.000-07:00

Andrew...don't know if u knew but I think u might have actually made me say more of what is on my mind.....Katimavik all together made me more assertive but u i think played a big role in that...along with that u tought me about expressing my feelings too....all in all expressing my feeling assertively....which before i always had a hard time with....because i wouldn't at all or i would years later and blow up.....with u group wise i don't know why but i could never say things like I meant it at first....I'd either say it too passive or too aggressive...i don't think it was till the very end until u and me got it right... i think it maybe has to do with the fact that u and me are just alot alike.....so thanx so much... u taught me how to be myself and not be ashamed and that it's ok to like more than one person at the same time.....and last but not least if u feel a certain way about someone to blurt it out whether the outcome is good or bad....p.s. also that long mullet like hair is no big deal who cares if others don't like it.....and it's a good thing u never listen to me on that one...u know?

Joelle

2005-10-25T22:19:00.000-07:00

allo buddy...lol...sound fimiliar...oh man next time i see you i can't wait to punch u....ha ha that doesn't sound right...what i mean is i can't wait to do that slow punch thing on ur cheek and say buddy.....hope that sounds less bully like now that i explained....so from u i learnt close to the same thing as Jen....silence....but a bit different... first of all i learnt to talk less and listen more....and while i blab less to think more about what is about to come out.....i remember a lot of times when we the group were busy arguing u would say nothing then when u did it made perfect sense because u didn't waste ur time with words u thought...listened then came up with a solution....so wise man.....i also learnt about why you are so proud of Quebec....maybe not all the way but i think the most that i can know about it.....oh and yes i still make list of things and i think Joelle would laugh but i learnt to not take them as serious as i used to because u also taught me not to worry so much....if it's gonna happen it will......last but not least on a still serious not a learnt how to properly fold my shirts....i know i made fun of u for it...but really i always wondered why they would get wrinkly and now i know......buddy

SARAH

2005-10-25T22:11:00.000-07:00

Dude....remember that one day in Vancouver....you came home ranting about how great Katimavik was...and how great living with 9 other people was for free while volunteering?....i think you'll remember...ha ha....i remember thinking u were crazy that day because we were.....well the group was in the middle of some big fights aka storming....well now I know that it's important to try to find the good in something at the moment ur experiencing it and not 6 months later or however later it is.......also i leanred who cares about how u look sometimes.....u know how u got rid of ur hair so u wouldn't care about the way it looked....sometimes when i'm just leaving the house i think who cares about looking in the mirror on the way out....if i got spinach in my teeth so what i got spinach in my teeth....could be worst Sarah walked around Toronto without shaving under her arm pits......and if she could do that and get rid of her long hair maybe i can not pluck my PERFECT eye brows for a week....maybe. ha ha ..so thanx for teaching that

JEN

2005-10-25T22:01:00.000-07:00

Well what I know i learnt from u is.....silence....don't worry i'll explain....i remember i told u once it at a feedback but i want to tell ya again dude.....i learned from u that it's better to be thought a fool then to speak and remove all doubt.....in other words it's better just to not say anything sometimes and let people do the talking (sometimes while wasting their words talking).....meanwhile while they're blabbing away u can think of a better solution just by being a silent observer.....I also love how u got excited over things that other people would just disregard......like one man's junk is another man's treasure....remember how you loved the mountains....and how u got excited about those pizza buns or those peperroni thingys...lol....so with that said i know now it's good to just smile when u see a flower instead of waiting for a whole bouquet cuz who knows....you'll waste a lot of time waiting for a bouquet

Matt

2005-10-25T21:50:00.000-07:00

WEll I'm sure u notice on Katimavik man...the me...I worry way too much....actually remember when we were HM's together in Stratford....I think i drove u crazy with the way i worry and organzed and plan....and finish everytihing on time....blah....i think i've overdone it in the past always being on time and doing what was expected of me...actually I'm back at cadets now but as an officer.....(meaning I'm with the adults now planning for the cadets) and when my officers told me what they said about us cadets when i was there....like the gossip they would say about us.....the only thing i got was I was punctual....that's it...anyway i thought that was boring how they never saw me once as a little shit disturber....so what I'm getting at is thanx to you I worry less and I wish too I could live on a boat on the sea and just be free....mmm...that rhymms(spl?) But ya what i mean is I learnt it's great just to relax and take everything in and enjoy it the way it is and not care if there's mistakes or things going wrong....hope you know what i mean dude....but hey reply back somtime....let me know what's up

MP

2005-10-25T21:18:00.001-07:00

Jesus Marie Joseph is something to say when u'r surprised by something....that's the first thing i learnt from ya.....lol....i loved when u said that...but of course that's not my only memory of you......I love that you gave hugs whenever and wherever...like there was no specific time or place just like there really shouldn't be.....actually i think i've been lacking hugs since I've been home majorly....but anyway I learnt that hugs should be given whenever and wherever...also u taught me to be proud as in to be proud of yourself for who u are....i always said you had this fun fearless female thing going on and u did.....I'm a little bit more "girly" (i think that's the word) and thanx to u I dance likle no ones watching

JESS

2005-10-25T21:18:00.000-07:00

Jess....oh man well I was just talking to you on the phone about a week ago and that's when thw whole Katimavik thing hit me in a way......we talked about how we miss the real conversations and relationships and with that said I learn something from you everytime time I talk to you because out of everything you find something to be thankful for or a reason for things to happen whether good or bad.....from you I've learnt how to take even the bad and channel it into something good and creative...mmmm hope this is all making sense....anyway ur one of the only people i know that when u say how r u today...or how do u feel....that when u say that i know u really actually want to know and will listen to the reply.....man time to strat saving for that Katimavik reunion or what.....I call bringing the bread....lol

VINCE

2005-10-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

Well I told you once in a feedback circle that you and I were polar opposites (don't know if you remember) I realize now how great that is becasue of what I ended up from you. Sometimes I'm way too conservative and I don't dare talk about certain topics. Stuff I tought was too edgy, I don't think it is as much as I did. I can now talk about stuff like Sex (whoa I just said it :0 jk) a little more now without making such a big deal over it or taking it so seriously. Also I'm more realistic now....( i know that word we over used) but seriously now I'm more out of that dream land that I usually always was in.....somtimes it's good to just say !@#$% (I would but just in case Jen is reading...jk) and move on...instead of sucking it in and smiling....thanx dude.....last but not least....I felt bad that when I was in Winnipg I didn't visit like I said I would....truth is after you and I left the group....and after you went through security... I couldn't find you and I also think I didn't look hard enough...so I was mad that we never actually official said good-bye...so sorry man for what it's worth....

The End

So i hope it hasn't been too mushy for u guys but well miss you all....so let's keep the group emails coming.....they don't need to be long...hope you enjoyed me little speal....and thanx soo much for being the 8 the i lived with....love Natty

oy vay (spl?)

2005-10-16T21:31:00.000-07:00

Mmmmm.....so y not make this like an actual journal and talk about feelings....yes that creepy word.....so grrr since I've been home I feel blah sometimes.....I think I'v been up to some good...I made a plan when I got home but I'm starting to discover making a plan doesn't always give you motivation...and that's what I wish I had....the M word.....work is work...not much to say about that but it is going well....I've already gotten praise for good work.....which I guess i can give a woot for that....but all in all I'm able to save for school.....School in January...now that I'm getting excited for....but I do have to pick what courses I will take and what interests me so I can work towards something...don't know what but something?!?!?!?.......at cadets....since I'm back ..it's good but not the same...but of course...well I should expect that I'm not under 19 anymore so it's a different perspective and I did always want to come back and join CIC.....so ?!?!......but even after all this I feel like there's something missing.....I'm doing things that make me happy but I feel like I'm just not jumoing in and taking it all in for what it's worth...like it's someone else's life that I'm just observing....grrr.....what do i need to be doing differently....maybe that's the question to ask what do i need to do to improve this....it's sounds like doctor phil but well needs to be said....so for now I will feel like blah and try to start something new......or just jump in and enjoy....and stop complaining

Home since Forever

2005-09-28T20:48:00.000-07:00

I'm home well since a long time now......keeping busy....so busy that it might not all be good for me.........but it's been keeping me busy...well I've established that part......meaning I havn't had time to be bored....havn't had time to think or miss things....well not things....katimavik....but of course I still find the time to miss Katimavik....today before I left to work.....I put on Toune D'automn (spl?) ...mmm i should know how to spell that since I'm technically french....anyway so put the song on and sang....lol....nobody was home so it worked......anyway i don't really kno where I'm going with this..........I'm liking being home.....well not loving but liking.....I'm at SAfeway since almost two weeks now....not my dream job or anything but something to have that extra pocket money for entertainment and to save for school.....I've returned to my cadet corps.....very ironic because when I was away in the big K....(katimavik) I compared it soooooooooooooooooooo much to cadets....now I'm home and back in cadets and miss the K................oh man......so ......the other things going on.....I'm doing driver's training.....I have to mention it I think because it's a leap, in a way, into afulthood.....being able to drive in a way bring a lot of independance........weird though....i always think to myself....not out loud but too myself....i don't want to grow up and become boring....become a soccer mom and all that jazz............I want to be a hippy....not the kind that does drugs....the type that just lives simply.........so I mention the hippy thing to talk about the last couple things that are new info.....the plans I'm making.....other than going to school in January...after that I plan to go WWOOFing ......in the maritimes actually......at the same time go to my katimavik reunion....and possibly if I'm CIC go to Vernon once again....not really all hippy stuff but travelling which for some reason makes me the happiest.....I wonder though if I'm an escapist?......anyway other than all this Sarah and I will meet up in November so the last thing I'm also looking forward to.....a little peice of the k...........sooo I'm home since forever and here to stay until I bolt out again......until next time

My thoughts until now

2005-02-17T21:20:00.000-08:00

September 8th, 04...I remember leaving behind my mom, step dad and my sister at the airport to begin Katimavik...I started in Ste-Julienne, Quebec, the smallest town I've been in maybe but still very interesting...now I'm in Vancouver but with only 2 weeks left so really I'm too late starting this online journal.....really though I guess it's better late than never. Being in Quebec really did feel foreign. Even though I understand and speak french it was a challenge to speak it 24/7.....so man it's gone by fast already....most of ther time I still feel like I'm 14 and today I realized I'm gonna be 19 on the 21....time goes by way too fast...and I'm having way to much fun for it to go by so quickly. My volunteer placement is making me realize how lucky I am. I work at the YWCA Crabtree Corner. It's a center for women and children to come for free daycare and a free meal. All in all I feel way to lucky. People in the area of hastings have tough times and while people are complaining about not having the right type of designer jeans people are struggling with drug and alcohol addictions, along with surviving. (if that right to say)

I'm just so damn lucky. I got Vernon this summer, than Katimavik, and my other plans when I get home. All stuff I wanted and want. And I'm so afraid of things going bad...of things not working out....because I've just been so lucky....SO LUCKY....so thanx for such a great time so far...and I appreciate everything so much.....I'm just hoping that I continue to improve and change because so far on Katimavik...the change seems dramatic...but for the best....bye for now....this live journal is kinda fun.

The Plan

2005-02-17T03:57:00.000-08:00

Ok the plan is to start a blog or an online journal...that's the plan...let's see what happens